Have you ever experienced that you gave feedback to your team member and he/she is not willing to accept it? All that you hear is defense and you feel helpless and frustrated.
Many people come up with a variety of reasons to defend themselves: co-workers to point the finger at, the system not functioning, or leadership to blame for their poor performance. This type of employee is a challenge because they are not open and receptive. They push back hard and get upset at any critiques. When it comes to feedback, a lot also depends on the culture of the organization and the leadership style of the superior.
Since this is a waste of your precious time, you need to plan to offer feedback to defensive employees in a way that they would listen.
Here are a few ideas:
Offer Feedback on the Spot: Delayed feedback loses both context and impact. So, be mindful of the timing. If you have noticed an employee going off-track, remind the person right there.
Listen to them without Interruption: Offer them an opportunity to share their views. Let them complete sharing their views, and ask if they wish to add something more at the end. Only after you understand their world, your feedback would make a difference to them.
Criticize in Private: Humans are concerned about their social image, so criticizing in public increases the possibility of defensiveness. Whenever you have to share something negative, do that in a closed room.
Start with Positive: Hold on to your urge to straightaway share the negative feedback. Cushion negative with positives. This will create an environment for more constructive conversation.
Bring Facts, Be Specific: A defensive employee will argue, contradict facts, and may divert the feedback to others. Very often, they would find mistakes in you to justify their actions. So, you need to maintain calm, and ensure that you don’t get distracted. Be ready to reorient the conversation until you get your point across.
Use Phrases like ‘I feel…’ ‘I’m concerned’: When you use these phrases, you offer them space to absorb the ideas gracefully.
Emphasize What You Want than What’s Wrong: Many leaders try hard to prove the other person wrong. Remember, it is all about workability. Put emphasis on what you expect from that person and show them the potential impact of their new behaviour.
Keep Your Tone Neutral: Any charge in your tone would make things more difficult. Give feedback as if a newscaster speaks on a TV channel.
During the feedback process, keep in mind the problem is action, not the person.
Change your game!
Vivek